Go deep into APJ
while sitting on your arse
in San Francisco
Why hire a local team of professionals who want "rights" and "pensions" when you can hire Rob's band of mercenary digital nomads?
We provide the bodies.
You provide the wire transfers.
It really is that simple. We've stripped out all the complexity of international expansion: the legal reviews, the HR policies, the due diligence. You're welcome.
- Boots on the ground, hearts off the payroll
- Full plausible deniability included
- PowerPoint available upon request
Why you're failing in Asia
(and why you need Rob to hold your hand)
Tech companies fail in Asia because they're too cautious to take risks. Here's what's killing you.
Too Rigid
You actually care about "labour laws". Cute. Rob doesn't let legislation get in the way of a good invoice.
Too Slow
You want to "interview" people? Rob finds a guy with a laptop in a bar in Singapore and calls him your VP of Sales. Done in an afternoon.
Too Naive
You think a distributor will work? A disti is just someone who takes your money and ghosts you. Rob does the same thing, but sends a nice PowerPoint first.
Our world-class service offerings
A carefully curated portfolio of human resources, each one selected for their tolerance of ambiguity and low expectations.
Shit Direct Response
22-year-olds in Bali who will spam your prospects until they get blocked. Or arrested. Results guaranteed.*
Account Executioner
Guaranteed to kill every lead they touch within six weeks. Consistent. Reliable. Devastating.
Slide Engineer
A person whose only job is making Rob's strategy look like it wasn't written on a cocktail napkin. Spoiler: it was.
Legal & Finance
A PDF of a generic contract Rob found on Google in 2014. And a Revolut account. What more do you need?
*Results not guaranteed.
The Success Comparison Table
We commissioned this table ourselves. Completely objective.
| Metric | Your Shitty Way | The WTF Way |
|---|---|---|
| Market entry | 12 months of boring research | Two weeks and a prayer |
| Employee benefits | Healthcare and dental | Not getting fired today |
| Growth strategy | Sustainable scaling | Burning through VC cash like a Vegas bender |
| Communication | Weekly syncs | Ghosting you until the invoice is due |
Countries we can help you go
balls deep into
A carefully selected portfolio of markets, chosen entirely based on where Rob has frequent flyer points.
Singapore
Tax haven and expensive everything — our home away from home.
Australia
Where Rob drinks 12 beers and calls it networking. The timezone alone justifies the markup.
Japan
We have no idea what's going on here, but the snacks are great and the bullet trains run on time.
Hong Kong
Ask us about our money laundering financial optimisation services.
Don't just take our word for it
Real quotes from real people who definitely gave us permission to use these.
Rob promised us a 10x ROI. We lost $200k, but the wrap party in Sydney was epic. I think I woke up in a dumpster. Five stars.
I don't know who Rob is. I just get random payments from some shell company in the Caymans. I think I'm technically the CEO of their Japan division?
He's great at "go to market". Too bad he never learned how to "go to supermarket" or "go to daughter's hockey game".
Stop overthinking. Start overpaying.
Join dozens of companies who've trusted Rob with their APJ expansion. Most of them don't regret it.
Wire us the money →